How to Set Boundaries In A Relationship (and not be a jerk about It)
As we all know relationships are complicated. You might wonder what is a healthy relationship and what it involves? Well a healthy relationship requires a balance of giving and taking--even when the giving isn't exactly what you want in the moment. that said, not all giving and taking is created equal. Some interactions violate needs that help support your well-being, which is why it's so important to figure out how to set boundaries in all of your relationships. If you never thought much about setting limits with other people, it may seem selfish or even a little controlling to do so.
Rather than a method of controlling someone's behavior, boundaries are more like " communicated guidelines about how to relate with you or treat you". Understand that boundaries can involve your physical space, your time, your mind or emotions, or your money and resources. Boundaries can also be internal (something inside of you that you may not want to share with someone) or external (something outside of you that you may not want to disturb your emotional or mental landscape).
Whatever boundaries you want to enforce, the important thin is that you actually communicate them otherwise they're nothing more that a hope or a wish. I understand that's easier said than done. if you've been punished in the past for setting boundaries, or no one modeled them to you, it might be tough to conceptualize how to implement them.
Boundaries also require some degree of self-awareness and confidence in who you are and what you need. "It takes a lot of self-esteem to say, "Hey, this is how i want to be treated."
It might seem easier to avoid these tough conversations, but a lack of boundaries can take a major toll on your relationships. Failing to set boundaries with people can result in burnout and resentment, contributing to toxic dynamics in relationships.
But understand on the flip side, healthy boundaries can create a sense of safety, respect, and trust between people. Example: Its like the fence outside your house helps you understand what belongs to you and what belongs to another person."
Here are a few tips to In setting boundaries in a relationship
Create The Boundary
Reflecting on your own needs: What do you need to feel safe and respected in a relationship? What are your limitations? However, keep in mind that in different situations and with different people, what constitutes a healthy boundary may look different when you are with different partners. Loosers boundaries may work in some settings like if you have a friend who you feel so close to that it's comfortable having them just stop by house unannounced. if that works for both of you then that may be a healthy boundary (or non-boundary) to maintain.
Flexible Boundaries allows you to renegotiate your needs and to consider how we want to engage in the present moment. Great example is you may decide that your'e going to only spend time with friends on the weekend in order to focus on your family's needs and on work during the week. but when an old friend comes to town you may elect to spend time with them on a Wednesday night, because it's important for you to have additional time with them.
2. Communicate the Boundary
Next express you'll need for the boundary being set to the other person and why. Beating around the bush might feel like softening the blow, but that approach only adds confusion to the situation.
It's really important to state it plainly"Firmly say what you are asking the other person to do.
Now that doesn't mean you are void of compassion. Communicating a boundary is a fine balance: the other person might respond well and respect your boundary if you temper your assertiveness with empathy. It may help to use "I" statements in the process. By using the word "I" it removes the blame from the conversation and allows your partner to not become defensive while communicating with you.
3. Maintain The Boundary
This is the hardest tip and pattern to follow and maintain. But arguably the most important step to keep. If you don't maintain a boundary, its just a bunch of words you said one time to the person. Maintaining the boundary is what gives the boundary strength because it tells people you mean what you said when you said it. The best way to make this boundary effective is to stand by your words with actions. One way you can show through action is by setting consequences. Example: If someone is yelling at you and you ask them several times to lower their tone in communication and they refuse tell them " If you raise your voice again I'm going to leave the room or end the conversation.
These are the 3 Common methods in setting boundaries and maintaining a healthy space in your Relationships. For more blogs and tips subscribe to our email stay in touch.