Okay this topic has nothing to do with romance, but rather adult friendships. Trying to make friends as and adult sends most of us cringing at the idea of putting ourselves out there. Understand that we fall short of connecting with others a lot of time when we aren't close with others outside of our romantic relationships as adults. It also show the awkwardness of trying to make adult friendships with the fears and insecurities we face when attempting to go outside of our comfort zones to put ourselves out there.
"Trying to make friends as an adult is almost more daunting than finding a romantic partner. This may be because establishing adult friendships can feel more vulnerable, as our intentions can be misunderstood or more open to being criticized. the societal rules of how to pick up friends feel less obvious and can make us feel desperate."
So you ask "How do I make Friends as an Adult well i will tell you. If you see someone you may want to know more about go strike up a conversation invite that person out for coffee/tea or lunch casually or drink. I feel this topic is surmount of adult friendships considering most of us have friends we grew up with or made friends of people we work with due to convenience and proximity. Many of us have difficult time making deep connections with new friends (and or even with current friends) and if we find ourselves wanting to build more connected, adult companions it can feel extremely overwhelming.
As I mentioned earlier, I genuinely believe this is because it feels more vulnerable at times to attempt to make deeper connections with our current friends or try to make new friendships with new adults. I think this all boils down to our fear of judgement, as our intentions of establishing new friendships can be misunderstood, criticized and shaming. i often hear my clients say " Oh I feel foolish trying to make friends at my age" and i'm here to explain its not foolish to be vulnerable and to try and make friends as an adult.
If we aren't new to the area or have a practical reason to be striking up conversation with the person next to us at the gym, we can be perceived as being just "plain ol weird." This is truly unfortunate, considering we could always benefit from making new connections and finding safety with another person; it truly could only help us continue to feel secure in ourselves, supported and fulfilled in our lives. As we adult and become more and more aware of who we are, it is important to find friendships that support our interests and establish connections with friends whom we feel we can rely on. Not all of us are lucky enough to have the same best friend as we did when we were children, and if you find yourself on that boat, there's nothing wrong with you for wanting to establish, build and maintain new adult friendships
I know that these tips on how to make adult friendships may seem cheesy, I do think it can be beneficial when attempting to step out into your next experience with intentions of wanting to make friends Trust me on this. Now i will provide basic tips that can help you conquer your goal.
1. Be Willing and Open: This can be simple as being mindful of how often you don't smile at others around you when you are at the store, gym, bar, class etc. Also make yourself approachable will help strangers (aka potential friends) feel more interested and safe engaging with you.
2. Extend a Friendly Compliment: Everyone from time to time appreciates a genuine compliment and if it is being received from someone who is sharing to display similar interests, rather than attempting to spark a romantic connection, it often feels less threatening or uncomfortable.
3. Ask Them about Themselves: As you develop adult friendships, its important to ask them about what they are interested in, where they grew up, what they do for a living. If they feel you are being genuine and have something in common, your friendship will start to naturally evolve.
4. Initiate,Plan, and Invite: Initiate friendships by giving them your phone number or adding them on your social media to spark and easy and friendly invite. Also try to find things to invite them to. Create friend dates this is helpful to maintaining your new adult friendship, as well as serving as a platform to building your depth and fun in new friendship.
5. Be aware of Expectations: As adults, we have hectic schedules and can't necessarily hang out with friends as often as we used to when we were in high school, so don't overly stress or analyze if your new friend doesn't text as much as you be patient and enjoy your relationship as it comes.
6. Don't Let your Insecurities Take Over: Be yourself and know we all have insecurities as I stated in another prior blog. Wanting friendships as an adult is normal and just because our society may feel closed off, doesn't mean you won't find a person who respects your efforts and personality.
7. Be Flexible: If your new friend interest isn't consistent or you end up not having a lot in common after all, try not to be discouraged. Not everyone is going to be compatible or open to building a friendship and it isn't something you should take personally.
SO PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE GO MAKE SOME NEW FRIENDS IF YOU NEED MORE HELP BOOK A SESSION OR REACH OUT FOR A FREE CONSULTATION. SUBSCRIBE, LIKE, LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS.